Today I think I reached my breaking point.
I have been feeling a lot of anxiety over the last couple of months which is a result of a lot of different things, from worrying about financial issues and the world in general, wanting a new job, school, and other stresses. I normally try not to let things get to me because I feel that in the big picture, the little things aren't worth getting upset about but over the last few days I can tell they have been getting to me. I find myself saying snotty remarks to Charlie, waking up in the middle of the night having anxiety attacks and not getting as involved as I should at work.
But today, it all came out....and over something really dumb. This morning before I headed to work, I took our dog Stella out to go to the bathroom and while she was under a tree, she got pooped on by a bird (quite a large amount I might add). I thought this was actually really funny and was in the process of cleaning it up inside but before I could, she decided to sprint around our house and proceed to wipe the poop on everything from our couch to our bed. I felt myself snap. I proceeded to freak out at her, put her in a kennel without a treat and then got in my car to go to work and just bawled.
Personally, I knew this was going to happen sooner or later. I have discovered that if I don't have a good cry every once in awhile, I tend to have a meltdown...which is what happened today. I am doing better now but sometimes I question whether I could handle something major happening in my life. What if Stella was my child and I freaked out at a child rather than a dog? Does freaking out make me a bad person? Why couldn't I handle this better?
There are a lot of questions that I ask myself but then I just remember that God created me the way I am for a reason and that I am only human. He wouldn't give me anything I couldn't handle and I have to give thanks for all the blessings He has provided....even my breaking points.
